Do you still remember that one boy or girl among your childhood playmates who caught your special attention? There is an idiom that describes a boy and a girl who have known each other since they were very young and share a deep bond.
青梅竹馬
This idiom comes from 李白's poem, 《長干行》.
李白(701–762) was a poet of the 唐 Dynasty. He wrote over a thousand poems during his lifetime and is known as the "詩仙"(Immortal of Poetry).
This poem is narrated from the perspective of a woman, describing how she and her husband met, fell in love, stayed together, and her yearning during their brief separation.
妾髮初覆額，折花門前劇。郎騎竹馬來，繞床弄青梅。同居長干里，兩小無嫌猜。
When my hair just grew long enough to cover my forehead, I played by snapping the flowering branches of the plum tree. You came riding a bamboo horse, running around the well fence, and played games with me. We both lived here in 長干 neighborhood. We were so young that we never thought to be suspicious of strangers. We just naturally played together.
- 嫌猜：It refers to distrusting others and suspecting that they will harm you.
Both "嫌" and "猜" carry the meaning of doubt or suspicion. However, "猜" leans more toward imagination or guesswork than having concrete proof of guilt. On the other hand, "嫌" is much more serious. For example, a criminal suspect is called a "嫌犯" (suspect). Therefore, when shortening the phrase, we keep the milder word, "猜," resulting in "兩小無猜." - 兩人從小時候就沒有懷疑過對方
(The two have never doubted each other since childhood.)
- "兩小無猜" is often used together with "青梅竹馬" . It describes the deep affection between two people who have known each other since childhood. Regardless of whether they date later on, their bond is something that others cannot easily understand or interfere with.
- 他們青梅竹馬、兩小無猜的感情，不是他人可以隨便介入的。
They’ve been inseparable since they were kids. Their bond isn't something outsiders can just mess with. - 剛剛那個孩子拿地上撿起來的糖果給我外甥女！我決定介入這對兩小無猜，把糖果拿走扔掉！
That kid just gave my niece a piece of candy he picked up from the ground! I decided to break up these little lovebirds, take the candy away, and throw it out!
十四為君婦，羞顏未嘗開。低頭向暗壁，千喚不一回。
At fourteen, I married you and became your wife. I was too shy and didn't even dare to smile at you. I always kept my head down, looking at the wall. No matter how many times you gently called my name, I was too embarrassed to turn around and look at you.
十五始展眉，願同塵與灰。常存抱柱信，豈上望夫台。
After I turned fifteen, I relaxed a bit and could smile at you. I felt that the two of us would be together forever, and I was determined to keep that promise. I had no idea that one day I would also stand on the front steps, eagerly awaiting my husband's return.
- 抱柱信：According to legend, a man named 尾生 arranged to meet a woman under a bridge. When she didn't arrive on time, and the tide came in, he held onto the bridge pillar to keep his promise and eventually drowned. This story is found in 《莊子．盜跖》. It was later used as a metaphor for faithfully keeping a promise.
- 望夫石：Legend has it that a woman stood on a mountaintop, gazing into the distance, waiting for her husband to return, and eventually turned to stone.
十六君遠行，瞿塘灩澦堆。五月不可觸，猿聲天上哀。
When I was sixteen, you traveled far from home. Your journey took you through the treacherous waters of the
- 瞿塘 gorge and past the massive submerged reef known as 灩澦堆. In May, the water levels were high, so passing ships had to be extremely careful not to hit the reef. The mournful cries of monkeys echoed through the clouds from both sides.
門前遲行跡，一一生綠苔。苔深不能掃，落葉秋風早。
The footprints you left before you went out have all grown green moss, but I can't bear to sweep them away. The autumn leaves have already begun to fall. Did autumn arrive early this year? Or why haven't you returned yet?
八月蝴蝶來，雙飛西園草。感此傷妾心，坐愁紅顏老。
In August, butterflies flutter in pairs among the grass in the west garden. I suddenly feel deeply saddened. Why are the butterflies in pairs, while I can only sit here alone, feeling the passage of time?
早晚下三巴，預將書報家。相迎不道遠，直至長風沙。
No matter when you come down the river from 下三巴 (a region in ancient China), please send a letter home to let me know in advance. I will go to meet you no matter how far the journey is; even if I have to go all the way to 長風沙 (a place name), I will go.
It really is a long way! The journey is about 180 miles (300 kilometers). In ancient times, for a woman to travel this distance just to meet her husband upon his return was an immense and arduous undertaking. Through this, 李白 shows how deep her love and longing were.
After reading this love poem, it's clear that "青梅竹馬" is a metaphor for two people who grew up together from childhood and later became lovers or spouses. Today, however, when people use this idiom, it doesn't necessarily imply romantic involvement; sometimes, it implies an exceptionally close friendship.
- 青梅: An immature green plum, used to refer to a little girl.
- 竹馬: A toy horse made of bamboo, used to refer to a little boy.
Now we know how unforgettable a pure childhood bond can be, you might be wondering: in traditional Chinese culture, are there any phrases used to describe the sincere affection between same-sex couples? There certainly are! Next, let's dive into a tender story dedicated to male partners.
Gentle tales of love between men: 斷袖、分桃、龍陽
This is a story that took place over two thousand years ago between Emperor 哀 of the 漢 Dynasty(漢哀帝) and his male partner, 董賢.
One afternoon, the 漢哀帝 and 董賢 fell asleep on the same bed. When the Emperor woke up to attend to his royal duties, he found 董賢 sleeping soundly, resting his head on the Emperor's wide sleeve. Not wanting to wake his beloved, the Emperor gently drew his sword and cut off his own sleeve before getting up to leave.
This act was filled with immense tenderness and consideration. Since then, "斷袖之愛" has become a specific idiom used to describe the deep romantic love between men.
Besides the 斷袖, there are two other very famous idioms for romantic love between men in traditional Chinese history!
The first one is "分桃之愛". A man named 彌子瑕 took a bite of a very sweet peach. Delighted by its flavor, he brought the half-eaten fruit directly to the lips of the 衛靈公 and fed it to him. The 衛靈公 considered this intimate act a profound expression of 彌子瑕's love.
The second one is "龍陽之癖". 龍陽 was a famously handsome man! One day, he was fishing on a boat with 魏安王, Surprisingly, after catching a whole bunch of fish, he suddenly burst into tears. The anxious 魏安王 asked him what was wrong. 龍陽 explained that when he catches a big fish, he naturally wants to throw away the small ones. He was terrified of ending up like those discarded little fish, abandoned by the 魏安王 when a more beautiful man came along. Upon hearing this, the 魏安王 was so moved that he issued a strict order: anyone who dared introduce another beautiful man to him would have their entire family executed.
Word Meaning Clarification:
Whether it’s 斷袖, 分桃, or 龍陽, you will usually see the suffixes "之愛" or "之癖" attached to them. "愛" goes without saying; it simply means "love," which is perfectly normal. However, the word "癖" carries a slightly negative connotation. For example, "癖好" refers to a hobby or interest that differs from what is considered normal. It may even be considered weird, eccentric, or addictive, like a quirk or fetish.
If you say:
"他的癖好比較特別！" (His quirks are rather unique!),
It implies that the speaker doesn't really approve of the person's interests, but also doesn't want to interfere.
Now that we've talked about the tender stories of male partners, we certainly can't leave out the women!
Traditional Chinese culture also has specific terms that describe female same-sex intimacy and women's independence.
Mutual Support Between Female Partners: 磨鏡、對食、自梳
For words used in ancient times as metaphors for intimate relationships between lesbians, we have "磨鏡" and "對食".
In ancient times, people likened intimate physical contact between women to two mirrors rubbing against each other. Thus, it was called ”磨鏡”(Rubbing Mirrors).
The term "對食" literally means "dining together." It refers to the companionship between palace maids and eunuchs in the imperial palace. However, it can also describe same-sex relationships formed by palace maids out of loneliness.
太監(Eunuchs) were men in ancient China who were castrated to serve the royal family in the imperial court.
"自梳" is a relatively modern term. It originated from a female independence movement in the late 清 Dynasty.
Some women held ceremonies to tie up their hair as a way to resist traditional marriage. In ancient times, only married women wore their hair up. During these ceremonies, the women would vow never to marry. Then, they would leave their families and live with other 自梳 women.
Today, we call them "蕾絲邊". That's right, it is a direct phonetic translation from the English word "Lesbian."
In Taiwan, 蕾絲邊 seem to be categorized as "T" and "P." "T" refers to the more masculine or androgynous partner (derived from the English word "Tomboy"). "P" refers to the more feminine partner (derived from the English "Pretty Girl".
I hope you found this useful! To master these words, make sure to check out the video above for native audio examples. Happy learning!
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