Chinese Idioms: 齊大非偶

齊大非偶 An Unequal Match

齊： a state of the 春秋時期(770–476 BC)
大： big or great
非： no or not
偶 = 配偶： spouse

The idiom "齊大非偶" originates from the 春秋時期 (770–476 BC), and it relates to two rulers: 齊僖公 and 鄭昭公.

齊 was a powerful state. 齊僖公 admired the young 鄭昭公 (then a prince) and proposed marrying his daughter to him twice, but was rejected both times.

The First Rejection: 

Before his ascension, 鄭昭公 had a reputation for virtue. Impressed by his character, 齊僖公 sent an envoy to propose the marriage. 鄭昭公 declined, using the phrase that would become an idiom: "齊大非偶." He reasoned that the State of 齊 was too powerful and grand for his small, humble state. He feared that the princess would not be a suitable spouse and implied that his status was insufficient to match hers. 齊僖公 accepted this reasoning.

The Second Rejection:

Years later, when 齊 State was caught up in a war and 齊僖公 was trapped, 鄭昭公 led his troops to rescue him. Out of gratitude, 齊僖公 offered his daughter's hand in marriage again. 鄭昭公 declined once more. This time, he reasoned that marrying the princess while 齊 State was in peril would make it seem like he was taking advantage of the situation, which would damage his reputation.

Displeased by the continuous rejections, 齊僖公 retorted that his daughter was beautiful and had the backing of the State of 齊. He was certain that she could certainly find a better suitor.

Today, the idiom "齊大非偶" is primarily used to describe a situation where one individual's social status, family background, or wealth is deemed significantly disproportionate to that of the prospective partner. It is often used by the lesser-positioned individual as a self-deprecating remark, meaning "the other person is way out of my league."

Applied to diplomacy or commercial cooperation, the idiom describes a situation where a smaller nation signs an agreement with a major power only to be taken advantage of due to the imbalance of the contract. Similarly, in the business world, it can be used when an initially intended partnership gradually morphs into an acquisition or takeover, resulting in the weaker party losing control.

Opposite Idiom: 門當戶對(A socially appropriate marriage)

門： Gate or Door

當 = 相當：Commensurate

戶： A general term for households and the population.

對 = 對等：Equal

門戶：門 and 戶，Two characters combine to form the 詞: 門戶, which carries several different meanings. 

It can refer to a family's social standing or status. Alternatively, it can denote a strategic passageway or an essential location.  However, in this idiomatic context, 門 and 戶 can refer to door(門) and window(窗戶).

This idiom signifies an ideal and balanced match, representing that the two people seeking marriage have equal social status, economic conditions, and family backgrounds. It emphasizes the importance of equal standing in marriage.

How To Use (in a funny way)

齊大非偶

• A：你要嫁入豪門？齊大非偶，你會過得很辛苦的。
  B：沒關係，我不需要好配偶，我只需要有錢人。
• A：You're going to marry into that wealthy family? That's an unequal match; you will have a very difficult life.
  B：Doesn't matter. I don't need a good spouse, I just need someone rich.
  

門當戶對

• A：我們跟那間公司合作也算是門當戶對吧？為什麼專案是由他們主導啊！
  B：他們有富爸爸，我們沒有？
  
• A：Our partnership with that company is supposed to be a match of equal standing, isn't it? So why are they the ones leading the whole project?
  B：Is it because they have a powerful backer and we don't?