Recently, I came across a book titled Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies by Marjorie Ingall and Susan McCarthy. It’s a fascinating guide on how to make a proper apology.
This book reminded me of a BBC Travel article titled "The Island That Never Stops Apologizing," which discusses the use of the most common Taiwanese phrase, 不好意思. The writer suggests that, for Taiwanese people, 不好意思 is not merely an apology, but rather a social lubricant.
So today, let's take a look at the various terms used to express apologies or politeness in Taiwan.
道歉 The Formal Apology
This is the most formal and serious term. It is often used as a verb (to apologize) or a noun (an apology), rather than an interjection you shout when you bump into someone.
"道歉" is an action or a process. It implies admitting fault and seeking forgiveness for a specific mistake. You wouldn't use this for small social accidents; you use it when things are serious.
Using it at formal occasions, such as business settings, official statements, or serious personal conflicts. For example, a "Press Conference" Apology. When a company or public figure makes a grave mistake, they hold a press conference to "道歉."
- 這間公司為了食安問題召開記者會道歉。
The company held a press conference to apologize for the food safety issue.
One could also say this if one makes a serious personal mistake.
- 那件事是我做錯了，我想向你道歉。
I made a mistake; I must apologize to you
不好意思 The Multi-functional "Magic Word"
This word literally means "ill-meaning" or feeling embarrassed. Arguably, it is the most useful phrase in Taiwan. According to the BBC, it functions as a social lubricant. It's not just an apology; it's a lifestyle.
Here is how we use it in daily life:
- The "Social Apology": It is used for minor mistakes or social accidents where no serious harm is done.
- For example, you are late to a meeting by five minutes. When you walk in, you could say,
"不好意思，不好意思，遲到了！"(Sorry I'm late!) - Getting Attention: Use this phrase when you need to interrupt someone or make your way through a crowd. It functions exactly like "Excuse me."
- For example, when walking through a crowd, you can say,
"不好意思，借過一下！"
(Excuse me, can I pass?) - Expressing Modestly: In Taiwanese culture, accepting a compliment directly with "謝謝"(Thank you) can sometimes be seen as arrogant. People often use "不好意思", which means "it's nothing," to deflect praise and express humility.
- For example, when someone praises you, you could reply,
" 不要這樣說啦，我會不好意思！"
(Don't say that; it makes me feel embarrassed!) - The Conversation Buffer: This phrase softens the tone before asking a question or stating an opinion. It signals, "I am about to take up your time."
- For example, asking a stranger for directions.
"不好意思，請問台北醫院怎麼走？"
(Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to Taipei Hospital?) - The Defensive Shield: This is a strategic use of the word. Taiwanese people often use "不好意思" as a "softener" before delivering bad news, rejecting a request, or disagreeing with someone. It acts as a shield to protect the speaker from appearing rude and to save the other person's face.
- For example, if you were rejecting a request, you could say,
"不好意思，我沒辦法幫你。"
(I'm sorry, I can't help you.) - The State of Embarrassment: It describes a feeling of shyness, awkwardness, or reluctance. In this context, it functions as an adjective or verb, not as an apology.
- For example, you can use it to describe being afraid to speak up.
"他只是不好意思告訴你真相。"
(He is just too embarrassed to tell you the truth.)
Although "不好意思" is a magic word, there is a specific scenario where its power overlaps with another common term, like when you physically bump into someone. While you can definitely say "不好意思" when you step on someone's foot, many Taiwanese people will instinctively switch to a slightly different, shorter word that conveys the same meaning.
This brings us to our next term: 抱歉 .
抱歉 Holding Regret.
Dictionaries often define this as "to feel apologetic" or "to be sorry." Literally, "抱" means to hold or embrace, and "歉" means regret or apology. Therefore, it literally means "holding regret in one's heart."
You might see it translated as "pardon." In English, "I beg your pardon?" is often used when you didn't hear someone clearly and want them to repeat themselves. In Taiwan, you can use "抱歉，我沒聽清楚" to ask someone to repeat themselves, but its core meaning aligns more with the dictionary definition: "feeling uneasy or guilty." It is slightly more formal and conveys a stronger sense of guilt than "不好意思."
To understand the difference between these words, let's imagine a classic scenario: Stepping on someone's foot on the MRT.
- Level 1: The Light Tap. You lightly bump into someone or graze their shoe. You say: "不好意思" or "抱歉". (Oops, excuse me/my bad.)
- Level 2: The Crush. You step hard on someone's toes, and they grimace in pain. You feel genuine guilt and need to apologize sincerely. You say: "對不起."
This brings us to our next, and perhaps most famous term......
對不起 The Most Formal Apology.
This phrase has a fascinating structure:
- 對： To face / To treat.
- 不： Not.
- 起： Up / To rise.
Its literal meaning is "I cannot face you" or "I have let you down." It implies that I have wronged you so significantly that I cannot look you in the eye, or that I did not meet your expectations.
So, when you say "不好意思", you are being polite or smoothing over a situation. When you say "對不起", you are admitting fault and signaling a willingness to take responsibility for the consequences. Note that it is used for serious errors, formal apologies, or when you have genuinely hurt someone, either physically or emotionally.
For example, if you broke a friend's expensive camera, you could say:
- “對不起！ 我會賠一台新的給你。”
(I'm sorry! I'll get you a new one.)
So far, we have covered standard terms found in textbooks. However, if you really want to blend in with the locals in Taiwan, there's one more phrase you should know.
歹勢 (Paise)
It comes from the Taiwanese Hokkien.
The literal meaning is:
- 歹: Bad, wicked, or evil.
- 勢: Situation, momentum, or circumstances.
Their combined meaning is "bad situation" or "bad omen."
The choice of characters here is fascinating: By using this term, you acknowledge that your actions have caused a "bad situation" or an awkward moment. You are essentially saying, "I have put you in a bad spot."
It is pronounced "Paise." As a Taiwanese Hakka, I want to ensure you get the most accurate accent, so I refer you to this official page. I have included the link below for those interested.
According to the official Ministry of Education dictionary, its usage is nearly identical to "不好意思".
Social Lubricant: Used when asking for favors or interrupting.
Soft Apology: Used for small mistakes.
Cultural Note
遺憾 The "Sorry" That Is NOT an Apology
This is not an apology word, but it is crucial to mention because of a common translation trap. When I first learned English, I was always confused by the phrase: "I am sorry for your loss." In my mind, I thought: "Why are you apologizing? Did you kill them?"
In English, the word "Sorry" covers two emotions:
- Apology: "I made a mistake."
- Sympathy: "I feel bad that this happened to you."
In Traditional Chinese, we strictly separate these.
- If it is your fault, you use 對不起 or 抱歉 .
- If it is NOT your fault but you want to express sympathy or regret, you use 遺憾.
So, when you hear bad news, such as a death, an accident, or a failure, and you want to express "What a pity" or "I feel sad for you." You could say:
- 聽到這個消息，我感到很遺憾。
(I am sorry to hear that.)
(Critical tip: Don't say "對不起" here. It makes it sound like you're the one who made things happen.)
I hope you found this useful! To master these words, make sure to check out the video above for native audio examples. Happy learning! 
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